Week 4: Relax

Fight, flee or freeze. The stress response serves us well when there is real danger, but it wears us down when it is activated too often and without adequate recovery. Chronic disease and degenerative disorders result. Stress kills.

Recovery is mediated through the relaxation response. Returning to a natural balanced state is recuperative and essential for health maintenance.

Techniques for relaxation are numerous and diverse. My favorite is exercise. Walking with the dog for an hour every day has multiple benefits: in addition to developing strength and aerobic capacity, a walk with the dog allows me to get outside, enjoy the most uncomplicated relationship in my life, and let go of tasks and other demands. When I have not gotten out with the dog for a day or two, she is visibly sad and acts more needy. Her reminders keep me on track. It always helps to have partner and the dog is my best buddy in this regard.

Other relaxation techniques include:

• yoga and tai chi
• massage
• progressive relaxation
• breath work (awareness or following the breath, deep breathing, counted breathing)
• meditation
• visualization of safe places where you feel relaxed and free of burdens
• autogenics and biofeedback
• organizing and simplifying your life
• talking with a trusted friend
• working with your therapist to address coping skills, negative beliefs, and cognitive errors.

Relaxation not only allows us to recover from stress, it also enhances performance: the cellist is less fatigued in performing a long piece when her arms and bow grip are relaxed; the golfer has a smoother swing when he lets go of tension; the dancer moves with more grace and fluidity; the supervisor loosens her grip of control and allows new ideas and procedures emerge from her staff.

There was a phrase that was popular a few years ago: "don't sweat the small stuff" followed by the admonition "its all small stuff." That doesn't really cut it with me. I want my surgeon and car mechanic to take their work seriously, I value efficiency and performance, I demand ethical and responsible leadership. There is no denying that the work we do for our jobs and our families is important work. But to do that work as effectively as possible we need to take care of ourselves.

The goal of relaxation is not to avoid stress altogether, to escape from responsibility, or to lower our aspirations. The goal is to recover from and become more resilient to the inevitable challenges of human existence. Leonardo daVinci got it right: "Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer."

We are continuing to work on Being for Ourselves through taking time for ourselves, noticing the good, being compassionate to self, and now relaxing. The practice folds on itself and becomes stronger.