Monday, October 21, 2013
Blog to resume soon
My apologies to my readers. I have been busy with additional duties and have neglected my blog. I will catch up soon and thank you for your patience.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Week 24: Enjoy Humility
Tangney (2000, 2002) identified key features of humility:
-
Accurate sense of self, both strengths and limitations
- Ability to acknowledge errors and shortcomings
- Openness to advice and new experience
- Keeping self in perspective, even forgetting the importance of self
- Appreciation of others
Peterson and Seligman observed that humble individuals do
not “willfully distort information in order to defend, repair, or verify their
own self-image.” It is about being sufficiently objective about one’s own
behavior that we can respond to challenges to our behaviors, viewpoints and opinions in a
non-defensive manner.
There are several areas where lack of humility causes
distress:- Relationships—John Gottman identifies two destructive relationship patterns: Contempt and Defensiveness. A contemptuous person attempts to gain superiority by putting other people down, whereas a defensive person blames others for their shortcomings and blocks all feedback and interpersonal learning. Marriage becomes a constant battle ground when partners rely on these patterns of interaction.
- Medical care and therapy—many illnesses have a behavioral component that is often very hard to change. Despite costly consultations and the weight of “empirical evidence,” people often persist in thinking that the experts don’t really understand them and that they are unique exceptions who can defy the odds and continue with their lifestyles. Einstein said the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Humility allows us to accept feedback and make changes for the better. Likewise, practitioners who reject the lived experience of their patients cannot provide truly compassionate care.
- Society—with too much self-admiration and unhealthy competition, risk-taking and cheating become problems in the workplace and the community (Twenge and Campbell, The Narcissism Epidemic, 2009). The current polarization of the political system and the role of special interest groups in perpetuating certain social problems are examples.
Perhaps you know a person who insists it is the world that is wrong and
that only correct viewpoint is their viewpoint. Despite their evident suffering, they are
being extremely prideful in not being able or willing to acknowledge they could be
part of the problem. When we look instead at problems as between people rather than within
people, humility is possible. You don’t have to be wrong so I
can be right.
Dr. Hanson encourages taking a “panoramic, big-picture view
of situations” to understand our own role and contribution in the bigger
network of human interaction, politics, and economics. When we can accept the
opinions, viewpoints, and needs of others as equally important as our own, then
we can begin to approach the beauty of humility.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Week 23: Be Patient
It has been several weeks since my last post; my apologies to any regular readers. It is so easy to get distracted from one's practice of anything (healthy eating, exercise, yoga, meditation, journaling, blogging) by any large or small change in one's routine. For me it was the arrival of summer, a garden in need of weeding, travel opportunities, and juggling work demands to allow for longer weekends.
This week Dr. Hanson reminds us to be patient: timely advice in July when vacation travel peaks. Air travel, traffic jams, and summer festival crowds gives us plenty of opportunity to practice patience. High temperatures and high humidity can raise our baseline physiological arousal levels to the breaking point, making it harder to wait our turn, be kind to others, and to refrain from angry outbursts.
Patience is a virtue in all the world's major religions and philosophies. In psychology, it usually refers to a decision-making strategy to delay short-term gratification for longer-term gains. It applies equally well to a variety of situations and endeavors, and it is a skill that can be cultivated. It is related to frustration-tolerance and self-regulation, and predicts successful outcomes. Early studies included the so-called marshmallow experiments with school age children.
Ah, but we live in an on-demand world now and expect things to work quickly and our every need immediately gratified. Email and texting seem to demand an instant response. Communication that used to take hours or days or even weeks, now circles the globe in minutes. A popular commercial for a phone company asks young children what is better: faster or slower, bigger or smaller, shared or not shared. Guess what: kids who may have saved their marshmallows rather than eating them a generation ago are now asking for faster, bigger, easier to share!
In Buddhist thought, patience also includes not doing harm. Doing it softly rather than abruptly, kindly rather than meanly, tenderly rather than with harshly. Sometimes we may need to take action and assert our needs, but if we do it with patience we may have better long term results: preserved or even enhanced relationships, positive feedback in terms of our effectiveness, and a sense of calm and serenity.
I was not thinking of this practice in particular on a recent flight back from California. My intent was to reach my destination four hours ahead of my daughter's return from Europe.
A computer malfunction delayed then cancelled our flight. All passengers were off-loaded and instructed to retrieve baggage and rebook. Sitting far to the rear of the plane, the line at ticketing was already backed up to ground transportation by the time I got there. I dashed to baggage claim, called the customer service number, calmly explained the need to meet a minor by a certain time, waited patiently for the inventory check, and ended up with a seat in first class and 20 minutes to spare at the destination. Needless to say my thanks were profuse.
It was scary to think that my daughter would be the only child without a parent to greet her, but I had faith in her ability to cope, her teacher's careful supervision, and the airline coming through. The tension between fear and faith is a fine line to walk sometimes. Letting go of fear, which is often an old fear rather than an immediate fear of imminent danger, can help you feel more patient. There is indeed enough to go around and you will get what you need in due time.
Hope you have safe and happy vacation travels.
This week Dr. Hanson reminds us to be patient: timely advice in July when vacation travel peaks. Air travel, traffic jams, and summer festival crowds gives us plenty of opportunity to practice patience. High temperatures and high humidity can raise our baseline physiological arousal levels to the breaking point, making it harder to wait our turn, be kind to others, and to refrain from angry outbursts.
Patience is a virtue in all the world's major religions and philosophies. In psychology, it usually refers to a decision-making strategy to delay short-term gratification for longer-term gains. It applies equally well to a variety of situations and endeavors, and it is a skill that can be cultivated. It is related to frustration-tolerance and self-regulation, and predicts successful outcomes. Early studies included the so-called marshmallow experiments with school age children.
Ah, but we live in an on-demand world now and expect things to work quickly and our every need immediately gratified. Email and texting seem to demand an instant response. Communication that used to take hours or days or even weeks, now circles the globe in minutes. A popular commercial for a phone company asks young children what is better: faster or slower, bigger or smaller, shared or not shared. Guess what: kids who may have saved their marshmallows rather than eating them a generation ago are now asking for faster, bigger, easier to share!
In Buddhist thought, patience also includes not doing harm. Doing it softly rather than abruptly, kindly rather than meanly, tenderly rather than with harshly. Sometimes we may need to take action and assert our needs, but if we do it with patience we may have better long term results: preserved or even enhanced relationships, positive feedback in terms of our effectiveness, and a sense of calm and serenity.
I was not thinking of this practice in particular on a recent flight back from California. My intent was to reach my destination four hours ahead of my daughter's return from Europe.
It was scary to think that my daughter would be the only child without a parent to greet her, but I had faith in her ability to cope, her teacher's careful supervision, and the airline coming through. The tension between fear and faith is a fine line to walk sometimes. Letting go of fear, which is often an old fear rather than an immediate fear of imminent danger, can help you feel more patient. There is indeed enough to go around and you will get what you need in due time.
Hope you have safe and happy vacation travels.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Week 22: Be Mindful
Mindfulness is a core skill that has multiple benefits: increased ability to pay attention, more self-awareness and empathy for others, fewer negative emotions, a stronger immune system, less pain and improved recovery from surgery. Becoming more mindful of your inner and outer world involves being aware without being attached. This means that you notice more and react less. A good resource for learning how to be more mindful is Steven Hayes book, Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life.
In the Chapter on Letting Go, Dr. Hayes makes the point that a barrier to mindfulness is an unwillingness to sit with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. Willingness is reflected in the ability to tolerate the silence, the pause, the inactivity, the stillness. It means not squirming and fussing or jumping up at the next available opportunity. It means greeting, even welcoming, uncomfortable thoughts and feelings rather than trying to avoid them. Trying to avoid painful feelings inevitably leads to more pain and ultimately to a sense of victimhood and suffering.
In my own meditation practice recently, I recalled the scary "what now?" apprehension between each breathe as I sat at the bedside of my father and then my mother-in-law who died in quick succession. With each of them, their final breathing was labored and often paused for "long" intervals (20 seconds perhaps). The silence between breaths was terrifying. "What now? Is this the end? Is s/he in pain? How will I react?" The thoughts came up without effort. It would have been so easy to attach to one of those thoughts and gotten carried away on the "mind train" of worry: "I won't be able to stand it. It will be horrible. I can't stay here a moment longer. I'm a terrible person to think of leaving at a time like this." How did their dying become about me?
Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying wrote: "Just as the ocean has waves, or the sun has rays, so the mind's own radiance is its thoughts and emotions. The ocean has waves, yet the ocean is not particularly disturbed by them. The waves are the very nature of the ocean." My first meditation teacher would gently remind us that thoughts and feelings would inevitably come up because it is "the nature of mind."
It is not our thoughts and feelings themselves but our reaction and attachment to those thoughts and feelings that creates suffering. In becoming more mindful, we learn to bob on the waves of thought and feeling, and simply observe. As we observe mindfully, we can more readily calibrate the necessary response and then catch the wave when the time is right.
In my own meditation practice recently, I recalled the scary "what now?" apprehension between each breathe as I sat at the bedside of my father and then my mother-in-law who died in quick succession. With each of them, their final breathing was labored and often paused for "long" intervals (20 seconds perhaps). The silence between breaths was terrifying. "What now? Is this the end? Is s/he in pain? How will I react?" The thoughts came up without effort. It would have been so easy to attach to one of those thoughts and gotten carried away on the "mind train" of worry: "I won't be able to stand it. It will be horrible. I can't stay here a moment longer. I'm a terrible person to think of leaving at a time like this." How did their dying become about me?
Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying wrote: "Just as the ocean has waves, or the sun has rays, so the mind's own radiance is its thoughts and emotions. The ocean has waves, yet the ocean is not particularly disturbed by them. The waves are the very nature of the ocean." My first meditation teacher would gently remind us that thoughts and feelings would inevitably come up because it is "the nature of mind."
It is not our thoughts and feelings themselves but our reaction and attachment to those thoughts and feelings that creates suffering. In becoming more mindful, we learn to bob on the waves of thought and feeling, and simply observe. As we observe mindfully, we can more readily calibrate the necessary response and then catch the wave when the time is right.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Part Three-Build Strengths: Week 21 Find Strength
We are transitioning now into Part Three and will focus on Building Strengths. Strength in Dr. Hanson's view is determination, grit, endurance, forbearance, and restraint. He develops the image of a deeply rooted tree withstanding a storm of "the winds of life."
Do you know what your strengths are? What is your starting point? What do you want to build? Where do you want to go? Are you fueling your strengths with healthful physical practices?
Start with a self-inventory: make a list of your personal resources. It may look something like this--
Did you realize that others appreciate these things about you? Have you allowed yourself to feel their appreciation? Do you get accurate reflections of who you are from the people in your life? Do you surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive? Are you nurtured and strengthened by the love of others? Lao Tzu said "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." Choose your friends wisely and develop a family of people who love and accept you.
Ask yourself how you use your strengths. How do you feel when using your strengths? How were you discouraged from using your strengths in the past? How do you hide your strengths as a result?
In Buddhist philosophy, using your strengths for Right Living on The Noble Eightfold Path ultimately yields good results, namely Enlightenment or Freedom from Suffering. Being strong may mean resisting temptation or making better choices or delaying instant gratification or going with the flow or being flexible and tolerant.
However, choosing to continue to suffer is not a sign of strength. Suffering is not a virtue and you are not obliged to suffer. Check out this video from Brad Yates for more on this topic.
Do you know what your strengths are? What is your starting point? What do you want to build? Where do you want to go? Are you fueling your strengths with healthful physical practices?
Start with a self-inventory: make a list of your personal resources. It may look something like this--
- good with animals
- enjoy the arts
- honest and responsible
- hardworking
- generous
- kind to others
- good listener
Did you realize that others appreciate these things about you? Have you allowed yourself to feel their appreciation? Do you get accurate reflections of who you are from the people in your life? Do you surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive? Are you nurtured and strengthened by the love of others? Lao Tzu said "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." Choose your friends wisely and develop a family of people who love and accept you.Ask yourself how you use your strengths. How do you feel when using your strengths? How were you discouraged from using your strengths in the past? How do you hide your strengths as a result?
In Buddhist philosophy, using your strengths for Right Living on The Noble Eightfold Path ultimately yields good results, namely Enlightenment or Freedom from Suffering. Being strong may mean resisting temptation or making better choices or delaying instant gratification or going with the flow or being flexible and tolerant.
However, choosing to continue to suffer is not a sign of strength. Suffering is not a virtue and you are not obliged to suffer. Check out this video from Brad Yates for more on this topic.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Week 20: Get Excited
Dr. Hanson observes that our natural ability to feel excitement can get extinguished by "wet blankets"--the sourpusses in life that tell us to settle down and put a lid on it. How tedious! Excitement is a natural state for children and reclaiming our enthusiasm and positive energy is a worthwhile goal.
For me, I find excitement in travelling and going new places. I love the planning, the preparation, and the packing. I even like going through security--I pass through the gate with reverence and anticipation. And then we are off! I have had good arrivals and some not so good, but I have always worked out the difficulties and felt all the more satisfied for the adventure of it all.
One thing I have noticed is that travelling alone is especially satisfying because I don't have to deal with the limitations created by being with others with less enthusiasm, interest and curiosity. There is no apologizing for wanting to see one more thing or worrying about creating inconvenience for others.
Many people forego travel, however, because they feel awkward or afraid to go alone. They live with dull routines rather than take a risk. While we all differ in our capacity for risk-taking, sometimes we do need to push outside our comfort zones to recapture zest for living.
Maybe it is beyond your means to travel internationally, but you can try something new locally or regionally. Sign up for a class or a field trip or an excursion. The strangers you meet are just friends you haven't met yet.
My mother has said for years that she wanted to go to Italy and she never has. Unfortunately she may have missed her chance as ill health changes her options. Don't wait--find a little excitement everyday and don't let anyone rain on your parade.
For me, I find excitement in travelling and going new places. I love the planning, the preparation, and the packing. I even like going through security--I pass through the gate with reverence and anticipation. And then we are off! I have had good arrivals and some not so good, but I have always worked out the difficulties and felt all the more satisfied for the adventure of it all.One thing I have noticed is that travelling alone is especially satisfying because I don't have to deal with the limitations created by being with others with less enthusiasm, interest and curiosity. There is no apologizing for wanting to see one more thing or worrying about creating inconvenience for others.
Many people forego travel, however, because they feel awkward or afraid to go alone. They live with dull routines rather than take a risk. While we all differ in our capacity for risk-taking, sometimes we do need to push outside our comfort zones to recapture zest for living.
Maybe it is beyond your means to travel internationally, but you can try something new locally or regionally. Sign up for a class or a field trip or an excursion. The strangers you meet are just friends you haven't met yet.
My mother has said for years that she wanted to go to Italy and she never has. Unfortunately she may have missed her chance as ill health changes her options. Don't wait--find a little excitement everyday and don't let anyone rain on your parade.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Week 19: Smile
Dr. Hanson reminds us to smile this week. Indeed, even
half-a-smile is better than no smile at all. A half smile happens when you
relax your face, especially the jaw and the area between the eyebrows, and let
your lips turn up slightly. If you couple this with breathing or music and you
have a “Serenity Now” moment that will invite others closer and help you feel
better.
One day just for fun, my daughter and I compiled a list of happy
songs. These songs are guaranteed to brighten your mood (and maybe get
you dancing):
Dancing in the Moonlight (King Harvest)
I Wanna Rock’n’Roll All Night (Kiss)
Don’t Worry Be Happy (Bob Marley)
Hooked on a Feeling (B.J. Thomas)
What a Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
Shiny Happy People (REM)
Colour My World (Petula Clark)
Zip a Dee Doo Dah (Jiminy Cricket's song from Pinochio)
Move On Up (Curtis Mayfield)
Daydream Believer (The Monkees)
I’m into Something Good (Herman’s Hermits)
Cheek to Cheek (Fred Astaire)
Downtown (Petula Clark)
These Words (Natasha Bedingfield)
Spanish Flea (Herb Alpert)
Crocodile Rock (Elton John)
Sound of Sunshine (Michael Franti &
Spearhead)
Rock Star (Pink)—especially the Chipmunk version
Perfect (Pink)
Dude Looks Like a Lady (Arrowsmith)
One Thing (One Direction)
Rhythm of Love (Plain White T’s)
Hakuna Matata (Lion King)
Do be do (Trashcan song) (Tarzan)
Hockety Pockety (Sword in the Stone)
Under the Sea (Little Mermaid)
On What a Beautiful Morning (Oklahoma)
I can go the distance (Hercules)
Fireworks (Katy Perry)
Favorite Things (Julie Andrews)
Sing a Song (Karen Carpenter)
Colors of the Wind (Pocahontas)
Help (The Beatles)
Yellow Submarine (The Beatles)
Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles)
High Hopes—The Rubber Tree Plant Song (Frank
Sinatra)
Just a Spoonful of Sugar (Julie Andrews)
You Ain’t Nothing But a Hound Dog (Elvis
Presley)
Obladi Oblada (The Beatles)
Dancing Queen (Abba)
Mama Mia (Abba)
Off to See the Wizard (Judy Garland)
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)
Saturday Night (Elton John)
I’m Yours (Jason Mraz)
Forget You (Ceelo Green)
I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)
Our time now (Plain White T’s)
Begin the Beguine (Artie Shaw)
Party Rock Anthem (LMFAO)
Party in the USA (Miley Cyrus)
Scallywag (Gaelic Storm)
All You Need is Love (The Beatles)
Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
59th Street Bridge Song (Simon and
Garfunkel)
Pocket full of sunshine (Natasha Bedingfield)
Who says (Selena Gomez)
You’ve Got a Friend in Me (Toy Story, Randy
Newman)
I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas (Bing Crosby)
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (The Beatles)
All Star (Smash Mouth)
I’m a Believer (The Monkees)
Afrika (Chaka Khan)
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Week 18: Be Grateful
The end of the spring semester is close at hand and stress may be accumulating as students finish projects, face final exams, make decisions that loom with every academic "edge." Some students may be in playoffs or competitions or recitals or final performances of one sort or another. They worry if they will be "good enough?" I wonder if they are "grateful enough?"
One of the ways people may cope with stress is by complaining. Do any of the following complaints sound familiar?
But if you are in school, playing sports, involved with music or drama, or getting ready for the next big adventure, you are very lucky! It is truly a privilege to be endowed with opportunities and making the most of those opportunities is what separates winners from losers.
Dealing with stress with an attitude of gratitude sounds something like this:
The darned thing is that complaining can sometimes be the right thing to do: an injustice committed, a condition intolerable, someone's behavior being indecent or rude. However, we need to ask why we are complaining. Good reasons are feeling hurt, degraded, or humiliated. A bad reason, always, is envy.
When people see success as an either/or situation (ie., either you are successful or I am successful), competition is set up. It can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy competition is "let's go at it and each do our best and fete the best outcome." Unhealthy competition is "I need to be the best and I will do anything to make sure that I come out on top." Unfortunately, I see all too much of that among today's high school students, with envious, driven parents asserting that their child is "the best" beyond doubt, even though their child may be struggling to live up to expectations.
So there may be some basis for the child's whining: are they are saying they do indeed doubt they are the best and have severe worries about themselves? One of my daughter's piano teachers took great alarm that I told my daughter after a difficult recital "there were a couple little problems that you can fix in the future, but overall it was just fine" rather than gushing with false praise. As it is, my daughter says she doubts our feedback is authentic because we are biased, but I remind her that my occassional criticisms should earn her trust as my praise is not unqualified.
So if complaining has become a habit, especially under stress, try the following:
One of the ways people may cope with stress is by complaining. Do any of the following complaints sound familiar?
- Do I have to?
- Will this be on the exam?
- Its too hard.
- I don't want to and you can't make me.
- I am nervous and angry and afraid I will fail.
- I have so much to do!
- I just want to sleep in for a change.
- People expect too much.
- wah, wah, wah!
But if you are in school, playing sports, involved with music or drama, or getting ready for the next big adventure, you are very lucky! It is truly a privilege to be endowed with opportunities and making the most of those opportunities is what separates winners from losers.
Dealing with stress with an attitude of gratitude sounds something like this:
- Wow, this is going to be awesome!
- I am nervous and excited and eager to do my best.
- Its scary, but I have done my homework/practice/planning and feel ready.
- I am fortunate to have a good school and good teachers (or good workplace and good coworkers).
- When people have high expectations of me, that means they believe I can do it.
- Things could be worse.
The darned thing is that complaining can sometimes be the right thing to do: an injustice committed, a condition intolerable, someone's behavior being indecent or rude. However, we need to ask why we are complaining. Good reasons are feeling hurt, degraded, or humiliated. A bad reason, always, is envy.
When people see success as an either/or situation (ie., either you are successful or I am successful), competition is set up. It can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy competition is "let's go at it and each do our best and fete the best outcome." Unhealthy competition is "I need to be the best and I will do anything to make sure that I come out on top." Unfortunately, I see all too much of that among today's high school students, with envious, driven parents asserting that their child is "the best" beyond doubt, even though their child may be struggling to live up to expectations.
So there may be some basis for the child's whining: are they are saying they do indeed doubt they are the best and have severe worries about themselves? One of my daughter's piano teachers took great alarm that I told my daughter after a difficult recital "there were a couple little problems that you can fix in the future, but overall it was just fine" rather than gushing with false praise. As it is, my daughter says she doubts our feedback is authentic because we are biased, but I remind her that my occassional criticisms should earn her trust as my praise is not unqualified.
So if complaining has become a habit, especially under stress, try the following:- Seek support (get extra tutoring/mentoring/assistance, set limits on social demands, ask for help, prioritize, manage your time well)
- Be action oriented and solution-focused
- Cultivate an optimistic outlook
- Be grateful for all you have and all you are able to do.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Week 17: Find Beauty
I apologize for getting behind last week, but I will hopefully catch up with two posts this week.
Dr. Hanson asks this week "what are some things that are beautiful to you?"
This may challenge you if you are in the habit of 'not noticing.' The ability to notice and appreciate the subtleties that make something "beautiful" is something that can be learned and practiced.
As noted in previous weeks, noticing requires that you be in the moment fully with sensory apparatus turned on and dialed into maximum gain. It means not rushing in action or judgment, and taking time to be fully enriched.
There have been times and places in my life when I have had to say to myself "take a good look, you will never be here again." Those moments stand out in memory because I took time to absorb the experience and really let it sink in. Sometimes those experiences are so rich they hurt, in an exquisite, almost ecstatic sort of way.
Ecstasy is the experience of total involvement with an object in your awareness. It brings about an altered state of consciousness in which thought or action or attention is suspended and the object consumes complete awareness. Nothing else exists for a moment and you are totally consumed. The effect is total joy.
I had the pleasure last Saturday of attending an outstanding performance of Beethoven's Ode to Joy, the anthem of this very experience. The first three movements allude to the human struggles and sufferings of that time in history, while the fourth movement explodes into transcendence. My favorite part is when the orchestra bursts into auditory fireworks in the final crescendo after a slow steady upward progression. It was Beethoven's expression of his hope for mankind. This music is exquisitely beautiful and appeals across generations and nations for good reason.
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In the movie Immortal Beloved, the aged Beethoven remembers his younger self escaping his abusive father and coming to float in a pond reflecting the stars in the sky. His body seems suspended in the heavens and he is transported from his life of care.
I worry about the younger generation that listens to so much truly BAD music, that seeks altered states of consciousness chemically, that may have grown up on a steady diet of little more than mainstream entertainment, that is saturated with the incessant drone of machinery.
We should each have a outlet for creating beauty in our lives: woodworking, gardening, music, painting, mosaics, drawing, dance, writing, cooking. We need arts education in our schools to cultivate the skills that will last a lifetime, some vocationally but for all of us mentally and emotionally. The value is not in the quality produced but in the effort itself.
Your homework this week is to find something of great beauty. Flowers and graduations are blooming everywhere, so it should not be difficult.
Dr. Hanson asks this week "what are some things that are beautiful to you?"
This may challenge you if you are in the habit of 'not noticing.' The ability to notice and appreciate the subtleties that make something "beautiful" is something that can be learned and practiced.
As noted in previous weeks, noticing requires that you be in the moment fully with sensory apparatus turned on and dialed into maximum gain. It means not rushing in action or judgment, and taking time to be fully enriched.
There have been times and places in my life when I have had to say to myself "take a good look, you will never be here again." Those moments stand out in memory because I took time to absorb the experience and really let it sink in. Sometimes those experiences are so rich they hurt, in an exquisite, almost ecstatic sort of way.
Ecstasy is the experience of total involvement with an object in your awareness. It brings about an altered state of consciousness in which thought or action or attention is suspended and the object consumes complete awareness. Nothing else exists for a moment and you are totally consumed. The effect is total joy.
I had the pleasure last Saturday of attending an outstanding performance of Beethoven's Ode to Joy, the anthem of this very experience. The first three movements allude to the human struggles and sufferings of that time in history, while the fourth movement explodes into transcendence. My favorite part is when the orchestra bursts into auditory fireworks in the final crescendo after a slow steady upward progression. It was Beethoven's expression of his hope for mankind. This music is exquisitely beautiful and appeals across generations and nations for good reason.
I worry about the younger generation that listens to so much truly BAD music, that seeks altered states of consciousness chemically, that may have grown up on a steady diet of little more than mainstream entertainment, that is saturated with the incessant drone of machinery.
We should each have a outlet for creating beauty in our lives: woodworking, gardening, music, painting, mosaics, drawing, dance, writing, cooking. We need arts education in our schools to cultivate the skills that will last a lifetime, some vocationally but for all of us mentally and emotionally. The value is not in the quality produced but in the effort itself.
Your homework this week is to find something of great beauty. Flowers and graduations are blooming everywhere, so it should not be difficult.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Week 16: Have Faith
Faith is a notion that has many different meaning depending on the context. In Buddhist thought, depending on the school, it means something akin to trusting confidence based on first-hand knowledge. It is the actual experience of regular practice rather than abstract knowledge that lead to true faith and conviction, and it is that conviction which propels a practitioner toward awakening. What this says to me is that commitment to practice is essential in order to have "true faith" in the teachings of Buddha.
Dr. Hanson observes that faith is akin to a feeling of optimism and that it is grounded in what we know to be reliable and nurturing. He also observes that it helps us stay on our chosen path.
Faith is also belief in the consequences of actions (law of cause and effect) and the individual ownership of actions. It means that we are personally responsible for our own enlightenment and it cannot be conferred or bestowed without committing ourselves to actual right-minded practice.
So for the developing musician or athlete, this is akin to having faith in the power of regular practice rather than blind faith that "it will be okay." For the aspiring meditator, it means you can't just talk about it, you actually have to do it. For everyone who talks about peace or ecological stewardship or social justice, you have to be doing something on a regular basis.
You have to walk the walk to get results.
So if you have been following along on this blog, ask yourself "have I been doing any of the things suggested?" If not, maybe you are not ready to take responsibility for your own well-being. If you are looking for answers (i.e., quick fixes) from outside sources, maybe you need to look inside. The person who will give you the answer is yourself. And the answer is to simply commit to regular practice of something, anything. It is all in the actual 'doing' that you will find what you are looking for.
Dr. Hanson observes that faith is akin to a feeling of optimism and that it is grounded in what we know to be reliable and nurturing. He also observes that it helps us stay on our chosen path.
Faith is also belief in the consequences of actions (law of cause and effect) and the individual ownership of actions. It means that we are personally responsible for our own enlightenment and it cannot be conferred or bestowed without committing ourselves to actual right-minded practice.
So for the developing musician or athlete, this is akin to having faith in the power of regular practice rather than blind faith that "it will be okay." For the aspiring meditator, it means you can't just talk about it, you actually have to do it. For everyone who talks about peace or ecological stewardship or social justice, you have to be doing something on a regular basis.
You have to walk the walk to get results.
So if you have been following along on this blog, ask yourself "have I been doing any of the things suggested?" If not, maybe you are not ready to take responsibility for your own well-being. If you are looking for answers (i.e., quick fixes) from outside sources, maybe you need to look inside. The person who will give you the answer is yourself. And the answer is to simply commit to regular practice of something, anything. It is all in the actual 'doing' that you will find what you are looking for.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Week 15: Be Glad
Last week was rough. Hard to blog about being glad when there was so much heartbreaking news. The injunction to 'be glad' can seem insensitive in the midst of that.
Dr. Hanson notes "we pay a lot of attention to threats, losses, and mistreatment in our environment--and to our emotional reactions, such as worry, sadness, resentment, disappointment, and anger" for reasons that promote our survival as individuals, as groups, and as a species. The risk is that we can go overboard, and end up paying attention to nothing else.
To compensate for the brain's negativity bias, we need to make a deliberate effort to seek out good news and things to be glad about. Then we need to really let it sink in and share the good news.
So in the wake of events in Boston and West, Texas last week what can we find? Close to home, maybe it was a personal event--baby's first steps, the first glimpse of spring flowers, a hearty laugh with a loved one. In fact, my daughter made me laugh so hard last week, I snorted like a donkey and laughed even harder at myself. Over the weekend, the high school students completed a service project. A phone call to someone recovering from an illness was answered with a hearty hello, revealing at least for a moment a little reprieve. Even market news can be heartening with real estate markets picking up in some locales.
So here are ten pieces of good news from around the world for the week of April 22:
Dr. Hanson notes "we pay a lot of attention to threats, losses, and mistreatment in our environment--and to our emotional reactions, such as worry, sadness, resentment, disappointment, and anger" for reasons that promote our survival as individuals, as groups, and as a species. The risk is that we can go overboard, and end up paying attention to nothing else.
To compensate for the brain's negativity bias, we need to make a deliberate effort to seek out good news and things to be glad about. Then we need to really let it sink in and share the good news.
So in the wake of events in Boston and West, Texas last week what can we find? Close to home, maybe it was a personal event--baby's first steps, the first glimpse of spring flowers, a hearty laugh with a loved one. In fact, my daughter made me laugh so hard last week, I snorted like a donkey and laughed even harder at myself. Over the weekend, the high school students completed a service project. A phone call to someone recovering from an illness was answered with a hearty hello, revealing at least for a moment a little reprieve. Even market news can be heartening with real estate markets picking up in some locales.So here are ten pieces of good news from around the world for the week of April 22:
- from http://www.globalgoodnews.com/ April 22 is International Mother Earth Day
- from http://www.happynews.com/, the winner of the London Marathon wheelchair race dedicates his race to Boston
- from http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/, a college athlete gives up his shot put career to become a bone marrow donor
- from http://goodnewsdaily.com/, a 13-year old from California won the grand prize in the Lions International Peace Poster Contest
- from http://www.cnn.com/2013/, a woman from Kenya opened the first school for girls in her home village (yes, even CNN can have a positive story once in a while)
- from http://www.dailygood.org/, a review of a new book by Leonard Koren, The beauty of wabi sabi, the Japanese idea that imperfection can be beautiful
- from http://www.lifepositive.com/Mind/good_news/Good-news.asp, Nandini Sarkar explores the phenomenon of kindness from strangers
- from http://goodworldnews.org/, an NBA fan nails a half court shot to win $20,000 for his wife's cancer treatment
- from http://positivenews.org.uk/, the President of Uruguay donates his salary to charity and lives on income from his simple farm
- and from close to home http://www.leadertelegram.com/news/daily_updates/article_f313d236-ac0f-11e2-9d9b-0019bb2963f4.html, gradual warmup to replace wintry conditions (finally!)
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Week 14: Take More Breaks
So here are 100 things to do to take a break that do not involve electronics:
1) look out the window
2) lie down and take a nap (I keep a yoga mat in my office just for this)
3) go for a walk
4) brew a cup of tea
5) read a poem
6) write a poem
7) knit
8) stretch
9) stare into space
10) gaze at a favorite photo
11) listen to wind chimes
12) watch birds
13) pet the dog
14) hug someone
15) goof around with your kids
16) sit and do nothing
17) peel an apple
18) strum a guitar (whether or not you know how to play)
19) put on lotion
20) ask someone to rub your neck or feet (preferably someone who knows you well)
21) do a puzzle
22) doodle or draw
23) sit in the sun
24) splash in a puddle
25) stop to talk when you see an acquaintance
26) sort through buttons or beads
27) remember something pleasant
28) imagine being at the beach
29) meditate
30) bounce a ball
31) make paper airplanes
32) read a book
33) eat M&Ms and try to guess their color by their taste
34) rearrange knickknacks
35) play with building blocks
36) turn off the lights
37) watch shadows
38) watch people
39) watch clouds
40) whistle your favorite song
41) take off your shoes and socks
42) water the plants
43) putter around with this and that
44) dance around the room
45) make a pillow fort
46) hide
47) make faces
48) count backwards from 1000
49) walk around the building
50) put a cool compress on your eyes
51) make a paperclip chain
52) juggle
53) use an emery board
54) stand on one foot for a full minute
55) stand on the other foot for another minute
56) listen to the rain
57) sit in the car for a minute
58) peruse greeting cards (remember those?)
59) tell a joke
60) read the comics
61) sit on the porch
62) look at a scene and name every color that you see
63) do a "loves me, loves me not" on a daisy
64) make a chain of dandelions
65) try to make a blade of grass whistle
66) blow bubbles (gum or soap)
67) try to think of 100 of anything
68) hang upside down
69) make an origami crane
70) do 10 pushups and 20 jumping jacks
71) chew gum
72) blow spit balls through a straw
73) color outside the lines
74) try to read something upside down and backwards
75) floss your teeth leisurely and admire yourself
76) tidy up your desk
77) search for four leaf clovers
78) play with the cat
79) watch fish in a tank
80) read something out loud in a British accent
81) sit and talk about nothing in particular
82) make up disgusting sandwich combinations
83) play with clay or sand or stones
84) whittle a piece of soft wood
85) think of 26 similar things that begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet (apple, banana, cantaloupe, ...)
86) look at last year's calendar
87) send a remote control car down the hallway
88) fly a kite
89) sit by a fountain
90) improvise
91) throw snowballs at a wall
92) wave at passersby
93) just stand there
94) count ceiling tiles
95) make up a story
96) count pennies
97) list all your teachers since kindergarten
98) drum out a rhythm
99) look at a map
100) count cars or licenses
Cheers!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Week 13: Say Yes
This is a great chapter. Dr. Hanson reveals the passionate side of his personality in a rousing tribute to a little word with huge meaning: YES.
In the movie "Yes Man" Jim Carrey learns to say yes to invitations and opportunities, finds love and friendship, and transforms his life of self-imposed limitations and loneliness. Its not about being injudicious (well, in the movie it is, but therein lies comedy), but of seeing possibilities and of being totally in the moment. No reservations, no doubts, no fears. Yes, we just might make a mistake. So what? Go ahead, make mistakes. Make lots of them. Some of them might just be the moments of experience that last a lifetime, precipitate the crisis that leads to lasting change for the better, or position us to do good in the world (like sing a man back from a ledge).
Openness to Experience is one of the major dimensions of personality. In the Five Factor Model it is related to having broad interests and being imaginative. An open person is curious, receptive and considers new ways of doing things. While there might also be a propensity for novelty-seeking and risk-taking, it leads to exploration of the world around us as well as a willingness to take on new challenges and connections. The person who says 'yes' to life and love and experience is endlessly entertained and sustained.
Empirically speaking, curiosity, novelty seeking and openness to experience are all associated with good outcomes psychologically, socially and physically, including positive emotion, better learning, more intimate relationships, and overall survival (Character Strengths and Virtues, 2004, C. Peterson & M. E. P. Seligman). Evidently, appreciating what you know and what you don't know, having some level of personal autonomy and personal meaning, and matching skill level with a slightly greater challenge can foster an individual's curiosity in a positive feedback cycle that increases rather than limits.
Openness is also related to the ideas about radical acceptance in being able to learn "to open our hearts in the face of fear" (Tara Brach). The experience of a traumatic event in childhood can lock us in "the trance of fear" that persists long after the trauma has ceased. Both mind and body can lose flexibility and become rigid, like a permanent suit of armor. When our fears become the focus of life, there is no sense of safety or belonging regardless of circumstances, and our experience contracts as we sink behind our defenses.
A daily practice would be to invite opening of the heart center. According to some teachings, there is an acupressure point on the sternum between the breasts. The chant involves breathing in with fingertips on this point and breathing out with an opening of the arms outward. It creates an alternating invitation and gathering. Similarly in meditation, as we inhale we can listen and open to our fears, and as we exhale we can follow the breathe into awareness of a larger world and connect with the universal. The waves can be as subtle as the flutter of butterfly wings or as powerful as a pounding ocean surf.
Dr. Hanson encourages us to say 'yes' to things we don't like as well as the things that we do like. It can help us to listen with greater attentiveness to others without judging, rejecting or condemning. It is the basis for lasting conflict resolution and reconciliation.
So indulge me one more movie reference. Steve Martin in the movie "Roxanne" (based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac) woos his love (on his friend's behalf): "all you have to say is one little word; its not a noun, not a verb, just three little letters, say 'yes' and all this darkness will fall away." Well the quote is not verbatim, but you get the gist. She did say yes, by the way, not only to his overture, but to him as well, all of him. Even that preposterous nose.
In the movie "Yes Man" Jim Carrey learns to say yes to invitations and opportunities, finds love and friendship, and transforms his life of self-imposed limitations and loneliness. Its not about being injudicious (well, in the movie it is, but therein lies comedy), but of seeing possibilities and of being totally in the moment. No reservations, no doubts, no fears. Yes, we just might make a mistake. So what? Go ahead, make mistakes. Make lots of them. Some of them might just be the moments of experience that last a lifetime, precipitate the crisis that leads to lasting change for the better, or position us to do good in the world (like sing a man back from a ledge).
Empirically speaking, curiosity, novelty seeking and openness to experience are all associated with good outcomes psychologically, socially and physically, including positive emotion, better learning, more intimate relationships, and overall survival (Character Strengths and Virtues, 2004, C. Peterson & M. E. P. Seligman). Evidently, appreciating what you know and what you don't know, having some level of personal autonomy and personal meaning, and matching skill level with a slightly greater challenge can foster an individual's curiosity in a positive feedback cycle that increases rather than limits.
Openness is also related to the ideas about radical acceptance in being able to learn "to open our hearts in the face of fear" (Tara Brach). The experience of a traumatic event in childhood can lock us in "the trance of fear" that persists long after the trauma has ceased. Both mind and body can lose flexibility and become rigid, like a permanent suit of armor. When our fears become the focus of life, there is no sense of safety or belonging regardless of circumstances, and our experience contracts as we sink behind our defenses.
A daily practice would be to invite opening of the heart center. According to some teachings, there is an acupressure point on the sternum between the breasts. The chant involves breathing in with fingertips on this point and breathing out with an opening of the arms outward. It creates an alternating invitation and gathering. Similarly in meditation, as we inhale we can listen and open to our fears, and as we exhale we can follow the breathe into awareness of a larger world and connect with the universal. The waves can be as subtle as the flutter of butterfly wings or as powerful as a pounding ocean surf.
Dr. Hanson encourages us to say 'yes' to things we don't like as well as the things that we do like. It can help us to listen with greater attentiveness to others without judging, rejecting or condemning. It is the basis for lasting conflict resolution and reconciliation.
So indulge me one more movie reference. Steve Martin in the movie "Roxanne" (based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac) woos his love (on his friend's behalf): "all you have to say is one little word; its not a noun, not a verb, just three little letters, say 'yes' and all this darkness will fall away." Well the quote is not verbatim, but you get the gist. She did say yes, by the way, not only to his overture, but to him as well, all of him. Even that preposterous nose.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Part 2 Enjoy Life, Week 12 Take Pleasure
We are shifting gears now and entering Part 2 of Dr. Hanson’s five part series of practices. We are going to work on enjoying life for the next few weeks and this promises to be delightful.
Today I let the dog out to fetch the newspaper and noticed the sunrise for the first time in quite a while. Not only is the sun up earlier with the change of seasons, the birds are chirping and tree buds are beginning to swell. The day promises warmer temperatures and the snow pack is slowing receding, uncovering muddy edges of soggy lawn and the first glimpse of curbs and driveway edges in months. This morning was special however, as the sunrise was especially colorful, stripes of pink against a purple sky.
Recall Week 2 when we worked on Taking in the Good by focusing on the senses. We are going to get back to that this week and kick it up a notch. Notice all the senses and savor their delights. The earthy smell of a greenhouse setting out their first plants, the great taste of healthy food well-prepared, the beauty of a sunrise or sunset or moon glow or starlight, the delight of music and wind sounds and laughter and dishes clinking, the feel of flannel sheets or a warm shower or a heart felt hug, the glow of happy memories of well-loved places.
Savoring these sensations involves lingering awhile. Rolling around it in, like a dog on new grass. Letting go of internal resistance and prohibitions. Of saying yes to life, to experience, to yourself. Yes, you may! Yes, of course! Stay a little longer, let it register and sink in and expand in your mind and memory fully. All that matters in this moment is the sensation.
As you take on this practice, you might notice that a certain sensory modality is stronger than others: for some it is sound, others sight. That dominant sense has become a pre-selected channel that limits the array of options. Explore your non-dominant senses and round out your experience.
One of my favorite gardens is the Garden of the Senses at Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo. It is filled with aromatic herbs and flowers, tinkling wind chimes, splashing water fountains, and plants and sculptures meant to be touched. Many gardens feature similar features, but this one in particular is designed to be especially child friendly. Kids love it as will your own "inner child."
At the end of a long winter, are we not sensorily deprived? Start today to make it a daily habit to walk a loop in your neighborhood and watch the progression of thawing and rejuevenation. See if you can catch the first bloom, whether it is a snowdrop or a dandelion. Create a mental film of the progressive unveiling of spring. Inhale deeply when you smell wet earth. Splash in a puddle, dance in the rain. Notice the dark smoothness of chocolate or the red juiciness of a berry.
Now say it out loud: Mmmmmmmm.....
Today I let the dog out to fetch the newspaper and noticed the sunrise for the first time in quite a while. Not only is the sun up earlier with the change of seasons, the birds are chirping and tree buds are beginning to swell. The day promises warmer temperatures and the snow pack is slowing receding, uncovering muddy edges of soggy lawn and the first glimpse of curbs and driveway edges in months. This morning was special however, as the sunrise was especially colorful, stripes of pink against a purple sky.
Recall Week 2 when we worked on Taking in the Good by focusing on the senses. We are going to get back to that this week and kick it up a notch. Notice all the senses and savor their delights. The earthy smell of a greenhouse setting out their first plants, the great taste of healthy food well-prepared, the beauty of a sunrise or sunset or moon glow or starlight, the delight of music and wind sounds and laughter and dishes clinking, the feel of flannel sheets or a warm shower or a heart felt hug, the glow of happy memories of well-loved places.Savoring these sensations involves lingering awhile. Rolling around it in, like a dog on new grass. Letting go of internal resistance and prohibitions. Of saying yes to life, to experience, to yourself. Yes, you may! Yes, of course! Stay a little longer, let it register and sink in and expand in your mind and memory fully. All that matters in this moment is the sensation.
As you take on this practice, you might notice that a certain sensory modality is stronger than others: for some it is sound, others sight. That dominant sense has become a pre-selected channel that limits the array of options. Explore your non-dominant senses and round out your experience.
One of my favorite gardens is the Garden of the Senses at Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo. It is filled with aromatic herbs and flowers, tinkling wind chimes, splashing water fountains, and plants and sculptures meant to be touched. Many gardens feature similar features, but this one in particular is designed to be especially child friendly. Kids love it as will your own "inner child."
At the end of a long winter, are we not sensorily deprived? Start today to make it a daily habit to walk a loop in your neighborhood and watch the progression of thawing and rejuevenation. See if you can catch the first bloom, whether it is a snowdrop or a dandelion. Create a mental film of the progressive unveiling of spring. Inhale deeply when you smell wet earth. Splash in a puddle, dance in the rain. Notice the dark smoothness of chocolate or the red juiciness of a berry.
Now say it out loud: Mmmmmmmm.....
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Week 11: Befriend Your Body
Winter is coming to an end and women are thinking about the shorts
& swimsuit season ahead. The New Year’s resolution to eat healthier and
exercise more often withered long ago. The self-loathing is kicking into high
gear.
We may put our lives on hold, waiting until we lose 10, 25
or even 100 lbs, until we can fit into a perfect size or weigh a perfect
amount, the actual number somehow being a magical threshold over which we must cross
to be worthy. We wait in fear not that we will fail to reach our goal, but in
fear that we will. But life will be what we make of it, regardless of how much
we weigh, how much money we have, how popular we are. The truth is we will have no excuses left for not going to
the beach, going to the dance, trying a new style, for not having fun, or not
having friends, lovers, or spouses, when we begin to love ourselves enough to
love the essential miracle of being alive.
Dr. Hanson makes the point that “your home is your body” and
it needs care and maintenance. When you take care with your body, you give it
nutrition, sleep, exercise, and loving attention. The simplest act of brushing
your teeth and clipping your toenails can be done lovingly and attentively.
We may put our lives on hold, waiting until we lose 10, 25
or even 100 lbs, until we can fit into a perfect size or weigh a perfect
amount, the actual number somehow being a magical threshold over which we must cross
to be worthy. We wait in fear not that we will fail to reach our goal, but in
fear that we will. But life will be what we make of it, regardless of how much
we weigh, how much money we have, how popular we are. The truth is we will have no excuses left for not going to
the beach, going to the dance, trying a new style, for not having fun, or not
having friends, lovers, or spouses, when we begin to love ourselves enough to
love the essential miracle of being alive.
Befriending your body is more than body image, self-esteem,
healthy eating—it is an attitude toward life. Life is a miracle and our sensory
experience, mental capacities, and physical abilities are to be enjoyed and put
to good use. It matters less that we have all 20 digits, 4 limbs, red hair or
blue than that we feel an immense satisfaction and gratitude for the life we
have been given.
“The body is our primary feedback mechanism which can show
us what is and isn't working about our ways of thinking, expressing, and
living. As we live our truth more fully and freely, our body grows healthier, stronger,
and more beautiful.” Shakti Gawain
This concludes Part I of Dr. Hanson's book. We have been looking at ways to Be Good to Ourselves. I hope that you have tried a few things or that you are at least beginning to think about making some changes. In the next few weeks, we will focus on Enjoying Life and I am really looking forward to it. Take care, live fully.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Week 10: Protect Your Brain
I apologize for getting the chapters out of order and promise to get back on track with the chapter on Befriending Your Body next week.
This week, Dr. Hanson reminds us to protect our brains by avoiding toxins, minimizing inflammation, getting regular exercise, and learning to relax.
Relaxation activates the parasympathetic nervous system which literally helps you release through its control of sexual arousal, salivation, lacrimation, urination, digestion, and defecation.
Stress and trauma damage the brain and make it more sensitive and reactive to additional stress and trauma. The stress hormone cortisol affects the size and function of certain areas of the brain and can affect stress sensitivity, learning and memory, and emotion regulation.
Dr. Hanson obviously is centered on mindfulness and relaxation, but there is one additional aspect to protecting one's brain (over and above what I mentioned last week): traumatic brain injury prevention.
According to the CDC there are over 1.7 million traumatic brain injuries (TBI) in the US annually with over 30% of injury-related deaths being caused by TBI. Children ages 0-4, adolescents ages 15-19, and adults over age 65 are most likely to sustain TBI, with adults age 75 and over having the highest rate of hospitalization and death. Falls in the home are the primary cause of injury for the very young and the very old, with high risk sports and activities being more of a problem for adolescents and young adults.
Sports of all sorts require head protection: football, hockey, downhill skiing, bicycling, skateboarding, boxing. Wear a helmet. Make your kids wear their helmets. Make it non-negotiable. Its cool to wear a helmet, not so cool to have a traumatic brain injury and the permanent disability that might result.
Similarly with motorized activities: snowmobiles, motorcycles, car racing. Wear a helmet. Wear your seat belt too.
Lastly, gun safety is another public health issue, with gun and shooting accidents being one of the top ten causes of death for children (other than newborns and infants). Make sure guns are securely stored, and that children have no unsupervised access to weapons. Get gun safety training.
Be safe. Protect your brain.
This week, Dr. Hanson reminds us to protect our brains by avoiding toxins, minimizing inflammation, getting regular exercise, and learning to relax.
Relaxation activates the parasympathetic nervous system which literally helps you release through its control of sexual arousal, salivation, lacrimation, urination, digestion, and defecation.
Stress and trauma damage the brain and make it more sensitive and reactive to additional stress and trauma. The stress hormone cortisol affects the size and function of certain areas of the brain and can affect stress sensitivity, learning and memory, and emotion regulation.
Dr. Hanson obviously is centered on mindfulness and relaxation, but there is one additional aspect to protecting one's brain (over and above what I mentioned last week): traumatic brain injury prevention.
Sports of all sorts require head protection: football, hockey, downhill skiing, bicycling, skateboarding, boxing. Wear a helmet. Make your kids wear their helmets. Make it non-negotiable. Its cool to wear a helmet, not so cool to have a traumatic brain injury and the permanent disability that might result.
Similarly with motorized activities: snowmobiles, motorcycles, car racing. Wear a helmet. Wear your seat belt too.
Lastly, gun safety is another public health issue, with gun and shooting accidents being one of the top ten causes of death for children (other than newborns and infants). Make sure guns are securely stored, and that children have no unsupervised access to weapons. Get gun safety training.
Be safe. Protect your brain.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Week 9: Nourish Your Brain
"Good mood food?" Isn't that a slogan for a fast food chain? That is something of an oxymoron in that context, but highlights this week's task. Dr. Hanson reminds us to nourish our brain. This happens on many levels:
1) The supply chain for neurotransmitter production. Neurotransmitters are the chemicals that transmit electrical impulses in the brain. Amino acids are the precursors of these substances. Starving the brain of protein (the source of those amino acids) may affect our appetite, cravings, addictions, ability to learn and focus, memory, mood regulation, and expression of anger and irritability. Vitamins and minerals are also needed for all sorts of metabolic processes, so good balanced nutrition is vital at all levels.
2) Blood pressure and blood sugar levels for circulatory health. The brain consumes about 25% of the glucose in the blood, but spikes and crashes in blood sugar contribute to fluctuations in mood, motivation, and energy. High blood pressure and unregulated blood sugar levels can contribute to stroke and dementia which are chronic diseases with catastrophic consequences. There is some new evidence that Alzheimer's is a form of diabetes which primarily affects the brain.
3) Hormonal balance and circadian rhythms. Regular habits keep the internal clock operating on schedule and help promote mood stability and diurnal sleep-wake cycles. Eating nutritious meals on a regular basis can help improve sleep, reduce stress, regulate metabolism, and reduce body mass and problems due to obesity.
4) Inflammation is a core disease process. Omega-3 fatty acids and anti-oxidants are believed to reduce inflammation and promote self-healing and repair in all body systems including joints and brain.
The bottom line is that your mood, stress resilience, and ability to cope are all affected by nutrition. If you put garbage in, you will get garbage out. Reducing junk foods, "empty calories," and mindless eating habits will help you be at your best on many levels.
There is an additional aspect of good nutrition: when we pay attention to our food intake, we demonstrate profound respect for self. This lifestyle habit anchors other aspects of self-care including exercise, sleep, and good relationships. The impact may extend beyond yourself in affecting how you interface with your community.
Lastly when we think of "nourishment" we usually think of food, but feasting on experiences that promote learning, creativity, aesthetics, compassion, and connection feed our brain as well. If we live on an impoverished "mental" diet of news, gossip, pop culture, passive entertainment, social isolation and consumerism, we deprive ourselves of the rich beauty found in nature, art, literature, and music, and the opportunity to use our minds and bodies in artistic, social and athletic pursuits. Moreover, as we talked about previously, noticing sensory detail keeps us grounded in the present moment and fills the mind with bright, positive, nurturing images and sensations that soothe, inspire, and motivate.
Shopping the produce department or farmers' market is a complete experience. Take a child to the store and notice the colors, shapes, and textures. Name the fruits and vegetables. Buy the ingredients for a nutritious snack or salad. Yummmm!!! You will feel better immediately. Enjoy.
1) The supply chain for neurotransmitter production. Neurotransmitters are the chemicals that transmit electrical impulses in the brain. Amino acids are the precursors of these substances. Starving the brain of protein (the source of those amino acids) may affect our appetite, cravings, addictions, ability to learn and focus, memory, mood regulation, and expression of anger and irritability. Vitamins and minerals are also needed for all sorts of metabolic processes, so good balanced nutrition is vital at all levels.
2) Blood pressure and blood sugar levels for circulatory health. The brain consumes about 25% of the glucose in the blood, but spikes and crashes in blood sugar contribute to fluctuations in mood, motivation, and energy. High blood pressure and unregulated blood sugar levels can contribute to stroke and dementia which are chronic diseases with catastrophic consequences. There is some new evidence that Alzheimer's is a form of diabetes which primarily affects the brain.
3) Hormonal balance and circadian rhythms. Regular habits keep the internal clock operating on schedule and help promote mood stability and diurnal sleep-wake cycles. Eating nutritious meals on a regular basis can help improve sleep, reduce stress, regulate metabolism, and reduce body mass and problems due to obesity.
4) Inflammation is a core disease process. Omega-3 fatty acids and anti-oxidants are believed to reduce inflammation and promote self-healing and repair in all body systems including joints and brain.
The bottom line is that your mood, stress resilience, and ability to cope are all affected by nutrition. If you put garbage in, you will get garbage out. Reducing junk foods, "empty calories," and mindless eating habits will help you be at your best on many levels.
There is an additional aspect of good nutrition: when we pay attention to our food intake, we demonstrate profound respect for self. This lifestyle habit anchors other aspects of self-care including exercise, sleep, and good relationships. The impact may extend beyond yourself in affecting how you interface with your community.
Lastly when we think of "nourishment" we usually think of food, but feasting on experiences that promote learning, creativity, aesthetics, compassion, and connection feed our brain as well. If we live on an impoverished "mental" diet of news, gossip, pop culture, passive entertainment, social isolation and consumerism, we deprive ourselves of the rich beauty found in nature, art, literature, and music, and the opportunity to use our minds and bodies in artistic, social and athletic pursuits. Moreover, as we talked about previously, noticing sensory detail keeps us grounded in the present moment and fills the mind with bright, positive, nurturing images and sensations that soothe, inspire, and motivate.
Shopping the produce department or farmers' market is a complete experience. Take a child to the store and notice the colors, shapes, and textures. Name the fruits and vegetables. Buy the ingredients for a nutritious snack or salad. Yummmm!!! You will feel better immediately. Enjoy.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Week 8: Get More Sleep
We are still working on learning to be good to ourselves and here in Week 8, Dr. Hanson reminds us to get more sleep. Whether you are 18 or 80, this is such a good idea! My goal this week is to be in bed by 10:30 pm every night.
Lack of sleep is associated with a wide variety of health problems and is a significant cause of traffic and workplace accidents. Rotating shift work schedules are especially problemmatic. Other causes include too much caffeine, caffeine late in the day, electronics use late in the day, and using your bedroom as a work space or office. Students who study on their beds often have a hard time letting go of thoughts about school. It looks so cozy to snuggle up with your laptop to chat or watch movies but you are disrupting your natural sleep-wake cycle (and probably giving yourself a stiff neck). Teens and young adults are so wired these days that giving up 24/7 access to media and friends must feel like social Siberia.
Habits that promote sleep include regular exercise, good nutrition, and set bedtime routines. Doing the same thing at the same time helps to train regularity. Some people chaff at the idea of having set routines, but if sleep is a problem for you, you just might need to try something new. Ask yourself what the resistance to sleeping is all about. For some people it may be about giving up control; for others it may be fear of the dark; for others it may be something else.
I did a quick search on poems about sleepless nights and it turned up a vast sea of poetry on blogs and websites everywhere, attesting to how common this problem is. A common theme is unrequitted love, lost love, loneliness. The song "Sleepless Nights" recorded by the Everly Brothers, Eddie Vedder, Norah Jones and others epitomizes the yearning (and yawning) that comes from pining away for someone you love. The song itself is actually pretty boring.
Broken relationships are painful, especially if the loved one's departure was sudden or unexpected. Often times sleep becomes a chronic problem after the death of a loved one, divorce, a break up, or separations for work. I know many older women especially who sleep in their chairs rather than go to bed. How many others sleep on the couch in front of the television?
Depriving yourself of sleep is punishment. For the bereaved maybe its a form of survivors' guilt. For others it may be a form of self-loathing. "If only I were more lovable I would not be so alone!" There goes the negativity bias again. The problem is not the aloneness but the lack of confidence in one's inherent worth. You are worth the care that sound sleep provides.
So let's get to it. A good routine is to turn off all electronics, except maybe to play some soft music. Check the doors. Pull the shades. Dim the lights. All is secure. Go about your personal hygiene. Straighten up the bed if you didn't make it earlier or set out things you will need for morning. Put on comfy PJ's. Jot down a few notes if needed. Say your goodnights. I am comfortable. Recall our earlier practices and mindfully apply a softly scented lotion to hands and feet (yes, guys should do this too). Settle into bed. I worked hard today and deserve my rest. Read for 5-10 minutes. Turn out the lights. I am ready. Feel the comfort of your bed and pillow and blankets--mindfully sink into the tactile experience. Follow your natural breathe...and zonk you are gone.
So be good to yourself. Your loved ones and coworkers want you to be in good health and they need you to function in the morning. Your work and recreation demand strength and focus. You will be happier when you are rested.
Repeat after me: "All is secure. I am comfortable. I worked hard today and deserve my rest. I am ready."
I'll let you know next time how my experiment with getting to bed by 10:30 goes. Hope you will try it too. Sleep well.
Lack of sleep is associated with a wide variety of health problems and is a significant cause of traffic and workplace accidents. Rotating shift work schedules are especially problemmatic. Other causes include too much caffeine, caffeine late in the day, electronics use late in the day, and using your bedroom as a work space or office. Students who study on their beds often have a hard time letting go of thoughts about school. It looks so cozy to snuggle up with your laptop to chat or watch movies but you are disrupting your natural sleep-wake cycle (and probably giving yourself a stiff neck). Teens and young adults are so wired these days that giving up 24/7 access to media and friends must feel like social Siberia.Habits that promote sleep include regular exercise, good nutrition, and set bedtime routines. Doing the same thing at the same time helps to train regularity. Some people chaff at the idea of having set routines, but if sleep is a problem for you, you just might need to try something new. Ask yourself what the resistance to sleeping is all about. For some people it may be about giving up control; for others it may be fear of the dark; for others it may be something else.
I did a quick search on poems about sleepless nights and it turned up a vast sea of poetry on blogs and websites everywhere, attesting to how common this problem is. A common theme is unrequitted love, lost love, loneliness. The song "Sleepless Nights" recorded by the Everly Brothers, Eddie Vedder, Norah Jones and others epitomizes the yearning (and yawning) that comes from pining away for someone you love. The song itself is actually pretty boring.
Broken relationships are painful, especially if the loved one's departure was sudden or unexpected. Often times sleep becomes a chronic problem after the death of a loved one, divorce, a break up, or separations for work. I know many older women especially who sleep in their chairs rather than go to bed. How many others sleep on the couch in front of the television?
Depriving yourself of sleep is punishment. For the bereaved maybe its a form of survivors' guilt. For others it may be a form of self-loathing. "If only I were more lovable I would not be so alone!" There goes the negativity bias again. The problem is not the aloneness but the lack of confidence in one's inherent worth. You are worth the care that sound sleep provides.
So let's get to it. A good routine is to turn off all electronics, except maybe to play some soft music. Check the doors. Pull the shades. Dim the lights. All is secure. Go about your personal hygiene. Straighten up the bed if you didn't make it earlier or set out things you will need for morning. Put on comfy PJ's. Jot down a few notes if needed. Say your goodnights. I am comfortable. Recall our earlier practices and mindfully apply a softly scented lotion to hands and feet (yes, guys should do this too). Settle into bed. I worked hard today and deserve my rest. Read for 5-10 minutes. Turn out the lights. I am ready. Feel the comfort of your bed and pillow and blankets--mindfully sink into the tactile experience. Follow your natural breathe...and zonk you are gone.
So be good to yourself. Your loved ones and coworkers want you to be in good health and they need you to function in the morning. Your work and recreation demand strength and focus. You will be happier when you are rested.
Repeat after me: "All is secure. I am comfortable. I worked hard today and deserve my rest. I am ready."
I'll let you know next time how my experiment with getting to bed by 10:30 goes. Hope you will try it too. Sleep well.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Week 7: Forgive Yourself
Is this the hardest week or what? Now we face it--little guilt vs. BIG GUILT--and the hard work of forgiving one's self begins.
Guilt is a wonderful emotion. Like fear and anger, it is a signal that something is wrong, but now the problem somehow lies within. Appropriate guilt helps to motivate us to correct our behavior so that it is line with expectations from others and expectations of self.
When I was in high school, I started one of the first recycling programs anywhere (yes, I am THAT old). Dutifully I sorted cans and bottles and jars to meet program expectations and to live according to my values. But the unwashed cans and jars were a nightmare. Now when I throw away a jar of moldy sauce, I experience a twinge of guilt. I should open, wash, and recycle, but some days I lack the stomach or the time to do the job the right way. I rationalize that if I throw away only one in 10 jars that I am doing 10 times better than if I threw them all away, but the guilt is uncomfortable enough that I vow to take time with the next jar of expired salsa.
That's little guilt for you. It is manageable, it does not eat you alive, it motivates change for the better.
However, it may take some prodding from friends greener than myself to actually overcome my laziness and do what I promised myself I would do. Accountability buddies are invaluable when we are dieting, training, studying, practicing, writing, or engaging in any sort of self-improvement program. Sometimes we need a little help in getting over that little hurdle of resistance that whispers "I don't want to," "Maybe tomorrow," "Just one more (cookie, brownie, candy bar)," or "Do I have to?" Well, no, you don't have to, but if you want the results and the satisfaction the results will produce, you have to put in the effort. There are no shortcuts.
BIG GUILT is entirely different. It is a chronic feeling of not being good enough or worthy enough. It is as if you and you alone have been prohibited from ever making mistakes, struggling, or hesitating. "I must never be wrong, I must always be perfect, I must do this to be loved, I must take responsibility for everything that happens and always be in control" goes the internal refrain. Who is insisting it must always be so? Your Internal Critic, that relentless voice in your head that insists you are wrong no matter what you do, that whatever you do you will never be good enough, and that the slightest error will reveal your inherent worthlessness. The Internal Critic uses blame and shame to keep you stuck in a quagmire of self-doubt and paralysis.
The Internal Protector, on the other hand, is brave enough to challenge the Internal Critic. The Internal Protector is the voice that reminds you that everyone makes mistakes, that none of us is perfect, and that we are capable of taking action to improve our skillfulness and make amends for lapses in moral judgment. The Internal Protector gently encourages learning and growth and repair. The Internal Protector helps distribute responsibility among the many contributors to problems and makes it possible to "face the music" without fear of being singled out and humiliated. The Internal Protector permits self-forgiveness in being gentle and kind.
One of the nice things about getting older is gaining perspective. When I look back on my life, I marvel that I have come so far and learned so much. The younger person that was me was naïve, earnest, passionate, full of energy, but lacking direction, support and guidance. The younger me did the best she could given the circumstances and continues to learned her lessons slowly and surely. It makes me a softer, maybe fuzzier, certainly more accommodating person. It is a lovely state of balance when one's Internal Protector and Internal Critic are in harmony and working together to foster competency and wisdom.
A little poem from grade school:
The road to wisdom?
- Well, it's plain
and simple to express:
Err
and err
and err again
but less
and less
and less.
~Piet Hein, "The Road to Wisdom," Grooks, 1966
Guilt is a wonderful emotion. Like fear and anger, it is a signal that something is wrong, but now the problem somehow lies within. Appropriate guilt helps to motivate us to correct our behavior so that it is line with expectations from others and expectations of self.
That's little guilt for you. It is manageable, it does not eat you alive, it motivates change for the better.
However, it may take some prodding from friends greener than myself to actually overcome my laziness and do what I promised myself I would do. Accountability buddies are invaluable when we are dieting, training, studying, practicing, writing, or engaging in any sort of self-improvement program. Sometimes we need a little help in getting over that little hurdle of resistance that whispers "I don't want to," "Maybe tomorrow," "Just one more (cookie, brownie, candy bar)," or "Do I have to?" Well, no, you don't have to, but if you want the results and the satisfaction the results will produce, you have to put in the effort. There are no shortcuts.
BIG GUILT is entirely different. It is a chronic feeling of not being good enough or worthy enough. It is as if you and you alone have been prohibited from ever making mistakes, struggling, or hesitating. "I must never be wrong, I must always be perfect, I must do this to be loved, I must take responsibility for everything that happens and always be in control" goes the internal refrain. Who is insisting it must always be so? Your Internal Critic, that relentless voice in your head that insists you are wrong no matter what you do, that whatever you do you will never be good enough, and that the slightest error will reveal your inherent worthlessness. The Internal Critic uses blame and shame to keep you stuck in a quagmire of self-doubt and paralysis.
The Internal Protector, on the other hand, is brave enough to challenge the Internal Critic. The Internal Protector is the voice that reminds you that everyone makes mistakes, that none of us is perfect, and that we are capable of taking action to improve our skillfulness and make amends for lapses in moral judgment. The Internal Protector gently encourages learning and growth and repair. The Internal Protector helps distribute responsibility among the many contributors to problems and makes it possible to "face the music" without fear of being singled out and humiliated. The Internal Protector permits self-forgiveness in being gentle and kind.
One of the nice things about getting older is gaining perspective. When I look back on my life, I marvel that I have come so far and learned so much. The younger person that was me was naïve, earnest, passionate, full of energy, but lacking direction, support and guidance. The younger me did the best she could given the circumstances and continues to learned her lessons slowly and surely. It makes me a softer, maybe fuzzier, certainly more accommodating person. It is a lovely state of balance when one's Internal Protector and Internal Critic are in harmony and working together to foster competency and wisdom.
A little poem from grade school:
The road to wisdom?
- Well, it's plain
and simple to express:
Err
and err
and err again
but less
and less
and less.
~Piet Hein, "The Road to Wisdom," Grooks, 1966
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Week 6: See the Good in Yourself
I was struck by a letter to Dear Abby this week by a teenage girl complaining about other teenage girls: why do they need constant reassurance and validation? Girls can be obsessed with questioning "Am I OK? Pretty enough? Nice enough? Smart enough? Sexy enough?" They need their mothers and fathers to love and hold them from the start, but in adolescence they also need their friends to be cheerleaders and coaches, to wildly clap and hoot for them when they make their slamdunks but also let them know when they are messing up. Without that validation, girls can end up feeling unloved, unlovable, and unworthy. They can end up seeking validation in any number of unhealthy ways that parents shudder to contemplate.
By the time unloved teenagers get to be adults, they may continue trying to verify their worst image of themselves by acting accordingly. They may feel entitled to special treatment to ward off the despair of worthlessness. Or they may constantly feel the need to prove their worth through high achievement and excessive caretaking of others. In some cases, they alternate among various possibilities to our endless confusion.
People who do not love themselves are hard to be around after a while, no matter how much we try to give them the love they seek. Its like riding a roller coaster and we end up feeling used and betrayed by their neediness. "If you really loved me, you would..." is the constant unspoken expectation. But the expectation is often unrealistic and often extremely irrational.
Having healthy boundaries means taking care of your own needs through self-soothing, self-care, and self-nurturing. Being an adult means you are responsible for yourself.
The negativity bias once again creeps in and blocks self-love by distorting our thinking. Cognitive errors that impede self-love include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, filtering out the good, looking for the bad, jumping to conclusions, magnifying flaws, minimizing assets, perjorative labeling, taking everything personally and blaming yourself for EVERY thing.
The habit of monitoring your thinking for possible errors takes time to develop. Responding with a gentle "Ooops, there I go again" and looking at the situation more positively (or at least more neutrally) can reduce the intensity of negative feelings.
So this Valentine's Day, whether or not you get the roses, candy and diamonds that marketers are trying so hard to sell, you might want to look inward. Are you thinking any of the following? "I am an ugly, awkward, needy stupid JERK. No one will EVER love me. I ALWAYS end up alone. I NEVER get to celebrate Valentine's Day with anyone." Do you see the cognitive errors in that stream of negative thinking? If a friend talked that way to themselves, would you let them?
The antidote is to focus on your best features--pretty eyes, nice hands, lovely singing voice, whatever--and to take a lighter view of your flaws. Would you berate a friend the way you berate yourself? Are you really always alone? Didn't you just go out with friends last weekend? No one will ever love you? What about the friend who listens and cares for you--the love of a good friend is a priceless treasure. Are you waiting for the Prince or Princess of Your Dreams to sweep you off to some fantasy island? Why are you waiting for love? Do something loving for the next person--someone who may not expect a kind word, someone waiting just like yourself. The world is filled with wallflowers who could all have a great time together if only they would be the first to just say "Hi."
You are an adult now. Your childhood may have been unhappy, but you get to choose how to live your life now. Its hard to overcome years of faulty learning. But you are reading this blog, maybe writing one of your own, going to therapy, maybe working some self-improvement program. Choose now to be on your side (recall Week 1), to have compassion for yourself (Recall Week 2), and take in the good all around you (recall Week 3) as well as the good within you (this week).
We are all flawed as human beings; no one is exempt. Life is a journey toward accepting and transcending those flaws and not letting them get in the way of experiencing love. Be like a flower and soak up the sun and rain and nurtrients from the earth. It is all there waiting for you. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”--Rumi
By the time unloved teenagers get to be adults, they may continue trying to verify their worst image of themselves by acting accordingly. They may feel entitled to special treatment to ward off the despair of worthlessness. Or they may constantly feel the need to prove their worth through high achievement and excessive caretaking of others. In some cases, they alternate among various possibilities to our endless confusion.
People who do not love themselves are hard to be around after a while, no matter how much we try to give them the love they seek. Its like riding a roller coaster and we end up feeling used and betrayed by their neediness. "If you really loved me, you would..." is the constant unspoken expectation. But the expectation is often unrealistic and often extremely irrational.
Having healthy boundaries means taking care of your own needs through self-soothing, self-care, and self-nurturing. Being an adult means you are responsible for yourself.
The negativity bias once again creeps in and blocks self-love by distorting our thinking. Cognitive errors that impede self-love include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, filtering out the good, looking for the bad, jumping to conclusions, magnifying flaws, minimizing assets, perjorative labeling, taking everything personally and blaming yourself for EVERY thing.
The habit of monitoring your thinking for possible errors takes time to develop. Responding with a gentle "Ooops, there I go again" and looking at the situation more positively (or at least more neutrally) can reduce the intensity of negative feelings.
So this Valentine's Day, whether or not you get the roses, candy and diamonds that marketers are trying so hard to sell, you might want to look inward. Are you thinking any of the following? "I am an ugly, awkward, needy stupid JERK. No one will EVER love me. I ALWAYS end up alone. I NEVER get to celebrate Valentine's Day with anyone." Do you see the cognitive errors in that stream of negative thinking? If a friend talked that way to themselves, would you let them?
The antidote is to focus on your best features--pretty eyes, nice hands, lovely singing voice, whatever--and to take a lighter view of your flaws. Would you berate a friend the way you berate yourself? Are you really always alone? Didn't you just go out with friends last weekend? No one will ever love you? What about the friend who listens and cares for you--the love of a good friend is a priceless treasure. Are you waiting for the Prince or Princess of Your Dreams to sweep you off to some fantasy island? Why are you waiting for love? Do something loving for the next person--someone who may not expect a kind word, someone waiting just like yourself. The world is filled with wallflowers who could all have a great time together if only they would be the first to just say "Hi."
You are an adult now. Your childhood may have been unhappy, but you get to choose how to live your life now. Its hard to overcome years of faulty learning. But you are reading this blog, maybe writing one of your own, going to therapy, maybe working some self-improvement program. Choose now to be on your side (recall Week 1), to have compassion for yourself (Recall Week 2), and take in the good all around you (recall Week 3) as well as the good within you (this week).
We are all flawed as human beings; no one is exempt. Life is a journey toward accepting and transcending those flaws and not letting them get in the way of experiencing love. Be like a flower and soak up the sun and rain and nurtrients from the earth. It is all there waiting for you. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”--Rumi
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Week 5: Slow down
"Slow down, you move too fast, got to make the morning last, skipping down the cobble stones, looking for fun and feeling groovy." Simon and Garfunkel's song is so happy and mellow. By today's standards, I imagine some young people may judge it as corny and old-fashioned. It's just a simple song with acoustic guitar, nothing high tech or glamorous or sexy.
Dr. Hanson reminds us that "chronic speediness" raises stress hormone levels. Multi-tasking likewise takes a toll.
Children grow up all too quickly and the pressure to "measure up" is often counted in the number of activities they cram into a day. Today's teens rush from school to sports to lessons to recitals to jobs, and simultaneously do homework, watch TV, listen to music, text with friends, and type their assignments. They are up too late and sleep too little for optimum mental and physical health and performance.
According to neuroscientists, multi-tasking is a myth because the human brain is a sequential processor and performs tasks one at a time. Its effectiveness is a delusion. What seems like multi-tasking is actually "task switching." Evidently there is a small percentage of the population known as supertaskers who can actually perform two or more tasks effectively at the same time, but that does not apply to the 98% of us who can barely walk and talk simultaneously. It is nearly impossible to do two demanding tasks simultaneously without loss of productivity or accuracy or both.
So what makes multi-tasking so seductive? Unwittingly we may equate the effects of adrenaline and other stress hormones with the effects of neurotransmitters like dopamine. Moving at high speed and other pleasurable--often high risk--activities give us a buzz and that buzz is completely addictive. It gives us the enduring illusion that multi-tasking is somehow better, but the qualitative experience and long term health effects of busy-ness don't measure up.
Mihaly Csikszentmihaly is known for his studies of the experience of Flow. In performing tasks with the right combination of challenge and skill (which will be different for each of us), we can have the ultimate experience: we feel focused; we step outside our everyday reality and lose track of time; we have a sense of inner clarity, serenity and adequacy. All this, says Csikszentmihaly, enhances our happiness and well-being.
So our practice this week is not only to go more slowly, but to be less busy, to be more effective, to prioritize what is important, to do our work with concentration, to give ourselves adequate quiet time to integrate information, solve problems and be creative, and to savor and enjoy all that we do. Save multi-tasking for folding laundry while watching television if you must. Better yet, try giving the process of smoothing and folding cloth of various colors and textures your full attention and concentration (recall Week 2). You might find yourself feeling soothed and relaxed.
It is surprising to me, five weeks into this practice, that there is nothing miraculous or extraordinary about any aspect of this program. We are applying ourselves to our lives and simply living with intent and awareness. We each can end up singing "Life I love you, All is groovy."
Dr. Hanson reminds us that "chronic speediness" raises stress hormone levels. Multi-tasking likewise takes a toll.
According to neuroscientists, multi-tasking is a myth because the human brain is a sequential processor and performs tasks one at a time. Its effectiveness is a delusion. What seems like multi-tasking is actually "task switching." Evidently there is a small percentage of the population known as supertaskers who can actually perform two or more tasks effectively at the same time, but that does not apply to the 98% of us who can barely walk and talk simultaneously. It is nearly impossible to do two demanding tasks simultaneously without loss of productivity or accuracy or both.
So what makes multi-tasking so seductive? Unwittingly we may equate the effects of adrenaline and other stress hormones with the effects of neurotransmitters like dopamine. Moving at high speed and other pleasurable--often high risk--activities give us a buzz and that buzz is completely addictive. It gives us the enduring illusion that multi-tasking is somehow better, but the qualitative experience and long term health effects of busy-ness don't measure up.
Mihaly Csikszentmihaly is known for his studies of the experience of Flow. In performing tasks with the right combination of challenge and skill (which will be different for each of us), we can have the ultimate experience: we feel focused; we step outside our everyday reality and lose track of time; we have a sense of inner clarity, serenity and adequacy. All this, says Csikszentmihaly, enhances our happiness and well-being.
So our practice this week is not only to go more slowly, but to be less busy, to be more effective, to prioritize what is important, to do our work with concentration, to give ourselves adequate quiet time to integrate information, solve problems and be creative, and to savor and enjoy all that we do. Save multi-tasking for folding laundry while watching television if you must. Better yet, try giving the process of smoothing and folding cloth of various colors and textures your full attention and concentration (recall Week 2). You might find yourself feeling soothed and relaxed.
It is surprising to me, five weeks into this practice, that there is nothing miraculous or extraordinary about any aspect of this program. We are applying ourselves to our lives and simply living with intent and awareness. We each can end up singing "Life I love you, All is groovy."
Monday, January 28, 2013
Week 4: Relax
Fight, flee or freeze. The stress response serves us well when there is real danger, but it wears us down when it is activated too often and without adequate recovery. Chronic disease and degenerative disorders result. Stress kills.
Recovery is mediated through the relaxation response. Returning to a natural balanced state is recuperative and essential for health maintenance.
Techniques for relaxation are numerous and diverse. My favorite is exercise. Walking with the dog for an hour every day has multiple benefits: in addition to developing strength and aerobic capacity, a walk with the dog allows me to get outside, enjoy the most uncomplicated relationship in my life, and let go of tasks and other demands. When I have not gotten out with the dog for a day or two, she is visibly sad and acts more needy. Her reminders keep me on track. It always helps to have partner and the dog is my best buddy in this regard.
Other relaxation techniques include:
There was a phrase that was popular a few years ago: "don't sweat the small stuff" followed by the admonition "its all small stuff." That doesn't really cut it with me. I want my surgeon and car mechanic to take their work seriously, I value efficiency and performance, I demand ethical and responsible leadership. There is no denying that the work we do for our jobs and our families is important work. But to do that work as effectively as possible we need to take care of ourselves.
The goal of relaxation is not to avoid stress altogether, to escape from responsibility, or to lower our aspirations. The goal is to recover from and become more resilient to the inevitable challenges of human existence. Leonardo daVinci got it right: "Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer."
We are continuing to work on Being for Ourselves through taking time for ourselves, noticing the good, being compassionate to self, and now relaxing. The practice folds on itself and becomes stronger.
Recovery is mediated through the relaxation response. Returning to a natural balanced state is recuperative and essential for health maintenance.
Other relaxation techniques include:
- yoga and tai chi
- massage
- progressive relaxation
- breath work (awareness or following the breath, deep breathing, counted breathing)
- meditation
- visualization of safe places where you feel relaxed and free of burdens
- autogenics and biofeedback
- organizing and simplifying your life
- talking with a trusted friend
- working with your therapist to address coping skills, negative beliefs, and cognitive errors.
There was a phrase that was popular a few years ago: "don't sweat the small stuff" followed by the admonition "its all small stuff." That doesn't really cut it with me. I want my surgeon and car mechanic to take their work seriously, I value efficiency and performance, I demand ethical and responsible leadership. There is no denying that the work we do for our jobs and our families is important work. But to do that work as effectively as possible we need to take care of ourselves.
The goal of relaxation is not to avoid stress altogether, to escape from responsibility, or to lower our aspirations. The goal is to recover from and become more resilient to the inevitable challenges of human existence. Leonardo daVinci got it right: "Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer."
We are continuing to work on Being for Ourselves through taking time for ourselves, noticing the good, being compassionate to self, and now relaxing. The practice folds on itself and becomes stronger.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Week 3: Have Compassion for Yourself
The well-loved child is understood, held and cherished. They are beautiful and smart because they are always loved.
Imagine yourself holding an infant. You hold the child in
your left arm and wrap your right arm gently around the child.
The baby’s cheek is pressed against your heart and you gently pat the child’s back. You might hum or whisper something soothing.
The baby’s cheek is pressed against your heart and you gently pat the child’s back. You might hum or whisper something soothing.
The baby falls asleep and for a moment you merge into one.
Compassion is like that. It banishes the separation between
individuals; for a moment you share all that is needed—gentle rocking and a
moment of peace. A bond grows out of that togetherness and all you want is the
child’s safety and well-being.
We cannot stay infants forever, however, and we go out into
the world where perhaps we are not noticed, certainly not loved. We feel the
pain of separation in the silent stares, the lack of recognition, the slights
incurred by strangers. We seek consolation by idealizing persons we admire. We
feel disappointed in ourselves when they fail as if we acted in error.
Kindness can heal the pain of loss and separation. We can offer
kindness to others perhaps, but can we offer it to ourselves?
Place your hand on your
heart and feel the warmth. Pat yourself as you would a beloved child and think
or say the Loving Kindness meditation. “May I be filled with loving kindness,
may I be safe, may I be well, may I be happy.”
Daily practice of loving kindness can help release us from
fears and worries. As we hold ourselves and our strong emotions in compassionate embrace,
we let go of identifying with the emotion. Anger and fear are a part of life,
we are not angry, fearful people. We invite the anger and fear to tell us what
we need to hear. Perhaps it is an injustice or imbalance that needs to be
addressed. Perhaps it is a lack of information or a miscommunication. We can
let anger and fear guide us toward change. These emotions subside when we let
them serve their purpose.
Namaste.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Week 2: Take in the Good
This week an unusual thaw with rain and fog came to the Midwest and obliterated the landscape and winter recreation. Ice melted on rivers and lakes, ski trails turned to mush and then to ice, and winter enthusiasts started worrying about upcoming plans and events.The practice this week is to Take in the Good, even as the natural world challenges us. When the weather turns foul, our plans could easily be foiled, our moods dashed, our relationships tested.
Dr. Hanson reminds us that the human brain has a built-in negativity bias and that historically our survival depended on our sensitivity to real or potential danger and misery. The mind attuned to danger takes precautions against predators and invaders, gathers and stores food and firewood in preparation for winter's scarcity, protects and defends offspring not yet able to defend themselves. At best we end up with safe and secure families and nations, at worst we end up with jealous, selfish and paranoid habits and institutions on one hand, and technology-enslaved helicopter parents who refuse to let their children grow up on the other.
When we temper the negativity bias with attention to the good, our moods improve, our relationships improve, and our resilience in times of stress improves.
My suggestion is to pay closer attention to sensory experience and take delight in the colors, sounds, textures, and aromas in the environment. For instance, this week to distract myself from the black snowbanks and salt-encrusted pavement, I turned my attention to the sky which happened to be a brilliant blue that day. In turning my gaze toward the good, more good was revealed--the sight of a bald eagle circling over the river--a common sight in Eau Claire, WI to be sure--but one easily missed if focus remains on the ugly roadways in a January thaw. Another example is the fog that comes when humidity is high and temperatures are low. The color of the fog is whitened by the snow below and begs for wool of the same hue to knit a cozy sweater.
The mindfulness practice for this week is to notice, name and recall positive experiences. Martin Seligman, founder of Positive Psychology, advocates this practice and recommends making at least three observations per day. You can note them in a journal or on a calendar. A nice project that could be done with a child or an elderly parent is to write down a nice experience each day and add the notes to a special jar. The "piggy bank" can be opened on a future rainy day.
I like to collect my observations and organize them into sensory poems like this:
Pink fleece, classmates clowning, cello ensemble seeps into hall
Black dog, lazing in the sun, warmth thaws my icy fingers
Green spruce, quivering with jays, shadow protects snowy path
Blue sky, eagle soaring, indoor fountain babbles
Gray fog, squirrels checking stashes, dry corn changes places
Brown fur, girl drying her horse, friends giggle ready to dance
Red sweater, everyone working, quiet comforts
Staying focused on the here-and-now experience reduces worry, naming reduces judgment, and description deepens appreciation. Notice the good all around and you will notice "its all good."
Have a week filled with many sensory details! Keep working on being for yourself and taking in the good.
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