In the movie "Yes Man" Jim Carrey learns to say yes to invitations and opportunities, finds love and friendship, and transforms his life of self-imposed limitations and loneliness. Its not about being injudicious (well, in the movie it is, but therein lies comedy), but of seeing possibilities and of being totally in the moment. No reservations, no doubts, no fears. Yes, we just might make a mistake. So what? Go ahead, make mistakes. Make lots of them. Some of them might just be the moments of experience that last a lifetime, precipitate the crisis that leads to lasting change for the better, or position us to do good in the world (like sing a man back from a ledge).
Empirically speaking, curiosity, novelty seeking and openness to experience are all associated with good outcomes psychologically, socially and physically, including positive emotion, better learning, more intimate relationships, and overall survival (Character Strengths and Virtues, 2004, C. Peterson & M. E. P. Seligman). Evidently, appreciating what you know and what you don't know, having some level of personal autonomy and personal meaning, and matching skill level with a slightly greater challenge can foster an individual's curiosity in a positive feedback cycle that increases rather than limits.
Openness is also related to the ideas about radical acceptance in being able to learn "to open our hearts in the face of fear" (Tara Brach). The experience of a traumatic event in childhood can lock us in "the trance of fear" that persists long after the trauma has ceased. Both mind and body can lose flexibility and become rigid, like a permanent suit of armor. When our fears become the focus of life, there is no sense of safety or belonging regardless of circumstances, and our experience contracts as we sink behind our defenses.
A daily practice would be to invite opening of the heart center. According to some teachings, there is an acupressure point on the sternum between the breasts. The chant involves breathing in with fingertips on this point and breathing out with an opening of the arms outward. It creates an alternating invitation and gathering. Similarly in meditation, as we inhale we can listen and open to our fears, and as we exhale we can follow the breathe into awareness of a larger world and connect with the universal. The waves can be as subtle as the flutter of butterfly wings or as powerful as a pounding ocean surf.
Dr. Hanson encourages us to say 'yes' to things we don't like as well as the things that we do like. It can help us to listen with greater attentiveness to others without judging, rejecting or condemning. It is the basis for lasting conflict resolution and reconciliation.
So indulge me one more movie reference. Steve Martin in the movie "Roxanne" (based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac) woos his love (on his friend's behalf): "all you have to say is one little word; its not a noun, not a verb, just three little letters, say 'yes' and all this darkness will fall away." Well the quote is not verbatim, but you get the gist. She did say yes, by the way, not only to his overture, but to him as well, all of him. Even that preposterous nose.
