Week 15: Be Glad

Last week was rough. Hard to blog about being glad when there was so much heartbreaking news. The injunction to 'be glad' can seem insensitive in the midst of that.

Dr. Hanson notes "we pay a lot of attention to threats, losses, and mistreatment in our environment--and to our emotional reactions, such as worry, sadness, resentment, disappointment, and anger" for reasons that promote our survival as individuals, as groups, and as a species. The risk is that we can go overboard, and end up paying attention to nothing else.

To compensate for the brain's negativity bias, we need to make a deliberate effort to seek out good news and things to be glad about. Then we need to really let it sink in and share the good news.

So in the wake of events in Boston and West, Texas last week what can we find? Close to home, maybe it was a personal event--baby's first steps, the first glimpse of spring flowers, a hearty laugh with a loved one. In fact, my daughter made me laugh so hard last week, I snorted like a donkey and laughed even harder at myself. Over the weekend, the high school students completed a service project. A phone call to someone recovering from an illness was answered with a hearty hello, revealing at least for a moment a little reprieve. Even market news can be heartening with real estate markets picking up in some locales.

So here are ten pieces of good news from around the world for the week of April 22:

• from http://www.globalgoodnews.com/ April 22 is International Mother Earth Day
• from http://www.happynews.com/, the winner of the London Marathon wheelchair race dedicates his race to Boston
• from http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/, a college athlete gives up his shot put career to become a bone marrow donor
• from http://goodnewsdaily.com/, a 13-year old from California won the grand prize in the Lions International Peace Poster Contest
• from http://www.cnn.com/2013/, a woman from Kenya opened the first school for girls in her home village (yes, even CNN can have a positive story once in a while)
• from http://www.dailygood.org/, a review of a new book by Leonard Koren, The beauty of wabi sabi, the Japanese idea that imperfection can be beautiful
• from http://www.lifepositive.com/Mind/good_news/Good-news.asp, Nandini Sarkar explores the phenomenon of kindness from strangers
• from http://goodworldnews.org/, an NBA fan nails a half court shot to win $20,000 for his wife's cancer treatment
• from http://positivenews.org.uk/, the President of Uruguay donates his salary to charity and lives on income from his simple farm
• and from close to home http://www.leadertelegram.com/news/daily_updates/article_f313d236-ac0f-11e2-9d9b-0019bb2963f4.html, gradual warmup to replace wintry conditions (finally!)

Two things you can do this week are to share some happy news of your own and to express appreciation for someone in your life. In saying how much I enjoyed the chocolate bar with crystallized ginger my daughter gave me, the delicious taste came back to me in her happy glow of pride.

Week 14: Take More Breaks

If you are not totally loving this book by now, what is wrong with you? This week's assignment (should you choose to accept it) is to take a break. Lots of them! Dr. Hanson points out that our prehistoric ancestors liked hanging out and hanging around (just like our teens) and that being busy constantly is unhealthy and unpleasant.

So here are 100 things to do to take a break that do not involve electronics:

1) look out the window
2) lie down and take a nap (I keep a yoga mat in my office just for this)
3) go for a walk
4) brew a cup of tea
5) read a poem
6) write a poem
7) knit
8) stretch
9) stare into space
10) gaze at a favorite photo
11) listen to wind chimes
12) watch birds
13) pet the dog
14) hug someone
15) goof around with your kids
16) sit and do nothing
17) peel an apple
18) strum a guitar (whether or not you know how to play)
19) put on lotion
20) ask someone to rub your neck or feet (preferably someone who knows you well)
21) do a puzzle
22) doodle or draw
23) sit in the sun
24) splash in a puddle
25) stop to talk when you see an acquaintance
26) sort through buttons or beads
27) remember something pleasant
28) imagine being at the beach
29) meditate
30) bounce a ball
31) make paper airplanes
32) read a book
33) eat M&Ms and try to guess their color by their taste
34) rearrange knickknacks
35) play with building blocks
36) turn off the lights
37) watch shadows
38) watch people
39) watch clouds
40) whistle your favorite song
41) take off your shoes and socks
42) water the plants
43) putter around with this and that
44) dance around the room
45) make a pillow fort
46) hide
47) make faces
48) count backwards from 1000
49) walk around the building
50) put a cool compress on your eyes
51) make a paperclip chain
52) juggle
53) use an emery board
54) stand on one foot for a full minute
55) stand on the other foot for another minute
56) listen to the rain
57) sit in the car for a minute
58) peruse greeting cards (remember those?)
59) tell a joke
60) read the comics
61) sit on the porch
62) look at a scene and name every color that you see
63) do a "loves me, loves me not" on a daisy
64) make a chain of dandelions
65) try to make a blade of grass whistle
66) blow bubbles (gum or soap)
67) try to think of 100 of anything
68) hang upside down
69) make an origami crane
70) do 10 pushups and 20 jumping jacks
71) chew gum
72) blow spit balls through a straw
73) color outside the lines
74) try to read something upside down and backwards
75) floss your teeth leisurely and admire yourself
76) tidy up your desk
77) search for four leaf clovers
78) play with the cat
79) watch fish in a tank
80) read something out loud in a British accent
81) sit and talk about nothing in particular
82) make up disgusting sandwich combinations
83) play with clay or sand or stones
84) whittle a piece of soft wood
85) think of 26 similar things that begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet (apple, banana, cantaloupe, ...)
86) look at last year's calendar
87) send a remote control car down the hallway
88) fly a kite
89) sit by a fountain
90) improvise
91) throw snowballs at a wall
92) wave at passersby
93) just stand there
94) count ceiling tiles
95) make up a story
96) count pennies
97) list all your teachers since kindergarten
98) drum out a rhythm
99) look at a map
100) count cars or licenses

Cheers!

Week 13: Say Yes

This is a great chapter. Dr. Hanson reveals the passionate side of his personality in a rousing tribute to a little word with huge meaning: YES.

In the movie "Yes Man" Jim Carrey learns to say yes to invitations and opportunities, finds love and friendship, and transforms his life of self-imposed limitations and loneliness. Its not about being injudicious (well, in the movie it is, but therein lies comedy), but of seeing possibilities and of being totally in the moment. No reservations, no doubts, no fears. Yes, we just might make a mistake. So what? Go ahead, make mistakes. Make lots of them. Some of them might just be the moments of experience that last a lifetime, precipitate the crisis that leads to lasting change for the better, or position us to do good in the world (like sing a man back from a ledge).

Openness to Experience is one of the major dimensions of personality. In the Five Factor Model it is related to having broad interests and being imaginative. An open person is curious, receptive and considers new ways of doing things. While there might also be a propensity for novelty-seeking and risk-taking, it leads to exploration of the world around us as well as a willingness to take on new challenges and connections. The person who says 'yes' to life and love and experience is endlessly entertained and sustained.

Empirically speaking, curiosity, novelty seeking and openness to experience are all associated with good outcomes psychologically, socially and physically, including positive emotion, better learning, more intimate relationships, and overall survival (Character Strengths and Virtues, 2004, C. Peterson & M. E. P. Seligman). Evidently, appreciating what you know and what you don't know, having some level of personal autonomy and personal meaning, and matching skill level with a slightly greater challenge can foster an individual's curiosity in a positive feedback cycle that increases rather than limits.

Openness is also related to the ideas about radical acceptance in being able to learn "to open our hearts in the face of fear" (Tara Brach). The experience of a traumatic event in childhood can lock us in "the trance of fear" that persists long after the trauma has ceased. Both mind and body can lose flexibility and become rigid, like a permanent suit of armor. When our fears become the focus of life, there is no sense of safety or belonging regardless of circumstances, and our experience contracts as we sink behind our defenses.

A daily practice would be to invite opening of the heart center. According to some teachings, there is an acupressure point on the sternum between the breasts. The chant involves breathing in with fingertips on this point and breathing out with an opening of the arms outward. It creates an alternating invitation and gathering. Similarly in meditation, as we inhale we can listen and open to our fears, and as we exhale we can follow the breathe into awareness of a larger world and connect with the universal. The waves can be as subtle as the flutter of butterfly wings or as powerful as a pounding ocean surf.

Dr. Hanson encourages us to say 'yes' to things we don't like as well as the things that we do like. It can help us to listen with greater attentiveness to others without judging, rejecting or condemning. It is the basis for lasting conflict resolution and reconciliation.

So indulge me one more movie reference. Steve Martin in the movie "Roxanne" (based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac) woos his love (on his friend's behalf): "all you have to say is one little word; its not a noun, not a verb, just three little letters, say 'yes' and all this darkness will fall away." Well the quote is not verbatim, but you get the gist. She did say yes, by the way, not only to his overture, but to him as well, all of him. Even that preposterous nose.